douchey gervais

brentpose3

libido killer

Ricky Gervais is the biggest douche since K-Fed and I love every doughy inch of him for it. The  goatee’d pale face and muscle-free physique of David Brent is terrible perfection, social discomfort at it’s cringy, butt-clenchingly best. Even now that Ricky Gervais has been Hollywooded down to a lean cutlet you can still see the chubby, smug, insecure Brent just beneath the surface, which is probably why he is positively un-f*ckable.

This seems tragic that his own genius should neuter him so cruelly, and also that it puts him in the position of having to openly acknowledge it.  As the romantic lead in the The Invention of Lying the plot hinged on the idea that he was so physically repugnant Jennifer Garner had to keep averting her eyes in horror. But when, despite all reason, he finally gets the girl – fulfilling the destiny of every romcom ever made – the camera artfully pans away at a moment that should be filled with close-up tongue wrestling and a sex scene shot via vulva cam.   It’s as if he understands, correctly, that it would be traumatizing for the audience to watch David Brent suck the Affleck out of Jennifer Garner, and politely takes it off the table.

 

you make my ovaries deflate

 

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sexless and fabulous

Ricky,  don’t stop fusing Flashdance with MC Hammer shit.  Don’t resist the urge to confess your relief to an obese woman that she is not your blind date for the evening.  And never stop creating hilarious a-hole characters that no one would screw under any circumstances. Comedy needs you and so do we.

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