
Yes, I keep a crisp, white hanky tucked into my pocket even though I haven’t blown my nose in 700 years
Why are vampires always glamorous and well dressed? Sure, I could see busying about keeping up with the current pant length trends for the first hundred years or so, but after that wouldn’t you just climb out of the coffin and throw on some sweatpants? The dry cleaning bills alone must be insane, you know how hard it is to get blood stains out of an ascot?
It doesn’t seem like they need to try so hard when a simple leather corset and black cape is always appropriate for sneaking up on dinner as it walks foolishly down a spooky, darkened alley. And why deal with an over-elaborate getup when they can just use their mind-control-bossiness to lure victims from the super-hip nightclubs they always seem to hang out at, are they just showing off? Like being a vampire isn’t enough of an accomplishment?
How do they even get the money to stay so fabulous? They don’t seem to work, you don’t often have a Bank Loan Manager that is also a vampire. Did I miss the scene from Twilight where the kids take a break from stalking prey and falling obsessively in love with each other to go shoplifting at Forever 21?
Why not a nice simple yoga pant? It’s easier to change into a bat and back again when you’re wearing something stretchy and forgiving, especially with a nice full stomach.